For the past week or so I have found falling asleep quite tough – my brain is full of thoughts and ideas and doesn’t seem to want to quieten down as I hit the hay.
Naturally as the problem solving geezer I am I’ve started listening to some sleep meditations as I lie in bed and sleep has improved dramatically!
The ones I’ve listened to range from toe curlingly cringey (even for me) to quite frankly outstanding, but they all have one recurring theme.
They move your focus from the outcome (falling asleep) to the process that will increase the likelihood of that outcome.
One of the lines early on in my favorite is:
“Let yourself luxuriate in this time of rest”
My response (out loud ofcourse) was “well bloody hell i don’t mind if I do lass”.
It struck me how different this is from what I tend to do when I can’t sleep.
Usually it’s aggressively tossing and turning, getting frustrated and TRYING desperately to fall asleep, but falling asleep is out of my control. And trying harder just leads to frustration and the likelihood of me falling asleep decreases!
The list of things we may want to influence but can’t directly control can be quite long:
Falling asleep – See above.
Losing weight – Shut your eyes and try really hard, it doesn’t work.
Toning your bum – Glare at your booty in the mirror for as long as you want it won’t change.
Not feel depressed today – It’s an uncontrollable feeling that pops up, nobody thinks I know I’d love to feel really depressed right now.
Heal an injury – Oh wouldn’t that be glorious.
If we measure success on things we’re not directly able to control, there will always be some element of finger crossing and hoping that whatever we have done works.
Instead I would invite you to measure your success on how well you followed the processes that increase the likelihood of the goal.
Example
Goal: I want to lose weight
Process 1: I’m going to eat a portion of protein and 2 portions of veggies with 4 of my teas this week.
Process 2: I’m going to prep 3 of my lunches this week rather than going to Greggs.
Process 3: When I notice I’m craving X I’m going to drink a big glass of water before I decide to have it or not.
All these processes are building habits that in theory will lead to the goal of weight loss, they may need adjusting or refining over time but it’s a start point.
After 2 weeks my weight may not have changed that much (down to a host of reasons) and if I am just hopping on the scales I may feel demotivated and frustrated that it’s been a waste of effort even if I’ve made some real positive changes.
If I’m focussed on measuring my processes, have smashed it, have a 100% completion rate I probably feel quite positive and good about myself.
If the scales haven’t moved as far as I had hoped then I maybe I just need to refine the processes – add another portion of veggies, pick a lower calorie greggs, have a glass of water and a walk, or add in another habit.
When we are process focussed, external measures are simply feedback, they tell us if what we are doing is working and help us decide WHAT TO DO NEXT.
They don’t define how “well” we’ve done or dictate how we feel about ourselves.
They may help kick us up the arse a bit and remind us we still need to prioritise what is important but feeling good about how we’re doing isn’t dependant on something out of our control!
That went on far longer and in a different direction than anticipated 😂
Sleep meditations are class and help you sleep too 👊🏿😂.
Sam Wilkinson Personal Training 